Jokes

A man walked into a curio store and was shopping around.  After awhile, he chose a brass rat and brought it up to the counter. "That will be $10 for the brass rat and $1,000 for the story behind it," said the proprietor. "Thanks, but I'll just pay the $10 and pass on the story." He purchased the brass rat and left the store. As he was walking down the street, he started noticing all sorts of rats following him.  The further he walked, the more rats followed.  He walked down to the wharf and still more rats came out and followed him.  So, he decided to walk out into the water, all the rats drowned. He returned to the store shortly. "Ah-ha!" said the proprietor.  "You've come back for the story, right?" "Nope," said the man.  "You have any brass lawyers?"

There is the story of a preacher who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."

A doctor notices a sidewalk stand that says 'brains for sale.' He goes over to investigate and sees a sign that says 'Doctor brains $8.00 a pound' and another sign that says 'Paramedic brains $12.00 a pound, Nurses brains $30.00 a pound, truck driver $40.00 a pound and lawyers brains $90.00 a pound.' So he asks the man behind the cash register, how come his brains are only worth 8.00 and a lawyer's worth 90.00? The man replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to make a pound of brains?

An FBI agent was interviewing a bank teller after the bank had been robbed 3 times by the same bandit: "Did you notice anything special about the man?" asks the agent. "Yes," replied the teller. "He was better dressed each time."

At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl.  Immediately he began paying her court and flattering her outrageously.  The girl liked the young man, but she was taken a bit aback by his fast and ardent pitch.  She was amazed when after 30 minutes he seriously proposed marriage. "Look," she said.  "We only met a half hour ago.  How can you be so sure? We know nothing about each other." "You're wrong," the young man declared.  "For the past 5 years I've been working in the bank where your father has his account."

Harry’s so cheap, he didn’t buy his wife a pearl necklace, he got her a length of string and told her to start a collection.

The wages of sin are death – but after taxes and NI contributions you’ll just end up feeling a bit tired.

A man walked into a branch of the Antelope Valley Bank and handed a teller a note demanding money.  The man had one hand in his pocket, as if holding a gun, so the teller began handing over the contents of her cash drawer. When she had forked over $7,000 the robber said, "That's enough" and walked out the door.  It's hard to find a bank robber who knows when he's had enough.

Did you hear about the Wall Street investment banker who won $10 million in the lottery?  He's so happy that he's giving some serious thought to paying back his student loan.

‘If you owe the bank $100, that’s your problem.  If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.’  John Paul Getty A woman rings her insurance company.  ‘Our house burnt down and I want £100,000,’ she says.