Jokes

When Donald Trump died, an elaborate wake was planned. In preparation, Mrs. Trump called the undertaker aside for a private little talk. "Please be sure to secure his toupee to his head very securely. No one but I knew he was bald," she confided, "and he'd never rest in peace if anyone found out at this point. Our friends from the old country are sure to hold his hands and touch his head before they're through paying their last respects." "Rest assured, Mrs. Trump," comforted the under- taker. "I'll fix it so that toupee will never come off." Sure enough, the day of the wake the old timers were giving Donald's ancient corpse quite a going over, but the toupee stayed firmly in place. At the end of the day, a delighted Mrs. Trump offered the undertaker an extra thousand dollars for handling the matter so professionally. "Oh, I couldn't possibly accept your money," protested the undertaker. "What's a few nails?"

How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs? By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.

What does Melania see in Donald Trump? "Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"

Why are Mexicans so offended by Donald Trumps views on immigration? Because they can already see the wall he's going to build from space.

What is Donald Trump telling Barack Obama supporters? Orange Is The New Black.  

Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay:  "What is courage?"  He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.

Chuck Norris can skip a sound track on the radio if he doesn't like it.

Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic

Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.